A reflection on parental guilt and the quiet choices we make so our children get us at our best. Like getting up at 4 am to train before Leo wakes up…

It’s 04:40am.

I’ve started getting up earlier so I can train before you wake.
That’s one of the quiet negotiations of parenthood. Learning when to be away so that, later, you can be fully present.

There’s guilt in that question.
Should I be here now, or should I go and do the thing I need to do for myself?

For me, the answer is this:
I’d rather sacrifice sleep than sacrifice attention.
I’d rather sit on the bike for two hours in the dark, so that when you open your eyes, I’m yours and you get me at my best.

Time away from you has never come easily to me.

I felt it in the early days of nursery drop-off, handing you over, wondering if I should be the one staying.
I feel it when work takes me away from you and your mum.
I felt it last summer, leaving you with Grandma and Grandad for your annual Devon adventure.

And yet, that trip became one of the highlights of your year. Ten days of sand, routine, laughter, and love. A reminder that sometimes, stepping back creates space for something beautiful to grow.

The past few weeks have been full for your mum and me.

We launched the second season of our podcast (He Said She Said). You even feature in the welcome-back trailer, unintentionally, you are the star of the show. The response has been overwhelming from the public, and it’s already back in the charts on Apple and Spotify. And in truth, the podcast exists because of you.

Every decision we make as your parents echoes forward.

Take the podcast as an example. That space is our way of showing you how men can speak honestly, listen properly, and stay present in difficult conversations, rather than avoiding them.

You’re far too young to hear it now. But one day, you might. And I hope when you do, you’ll hear two people learning how to be vulnerable with each other, choosing truth over comfort, and connection over silence.

There’s a reason behind everything I do.
And that reason is you.

The podcast - to show you that vulnerability, in the right place and at the right time, draws people closer.
The races, the training, the early mornings, the ice baths, the runs with you in the buggy - to show you that commitment is a choice, and growth lives on the other side of discomfort.
That we are the architects of our bodies, and it’s our responsibility to care for them, challenge them, and respect them.

The partnerships I choose are deliberate. If your face is in my work, I need to be able to look you in the eye and say: this is good, and this is honest.

The children’s books I’m writing are really a journal of us, and if I had to describe the books using as few words as possible, here’s how I would say it:

There’s also a chance we’ll begin filming a documentary about our family. I can’t say much yet as I might get a slap on the wrist, but know this: every conversation, every boundary, every decision starts with you and whether one day you’ll feel proud of the message we shared.

Your mum has been moving mountains too.

In the last couple of weeks, she’s been back on national television, Good Morning Britain and Sunday Brunch, speaking very bravely about her experiences and how she has helped lead a petition calling for better care for new mothers across the country. The government gave your mum a six-month window to gather 100,000 signatures from the public, after which this petition would be heard, conversations would progress, and action would be taken.

 It took your mum 10 days to capture 120,000 people who now stand in solidarity with your mum. 

That's a lot of people Leo, that would be 3 FULL Chelsea stadiums. Can you imagine being able to rally that many people so quickly - it feels like something out of a movie, I'm thinking of Braveheart now. One to watch when you're older for sure! 

It really is extraordinary. And it comes from the same place everything else does: love, courage, and the desire to leave things better than we found them.

It’s 05:15 now.

You’ll probably wake at 06:30.
Which means if I am going to get this workout done, it's now or never. 

Always,
Daddy