The older I get, the more I realise that listening, really listening might be the most underrated skill we can teach our children.

Before I did what I do now, I was a personal trainer and a hopeful rugby player. Then I met your mum and things changed overnight. Suddenly I was thrust into TV, agents, PR and commercial deals. It was a tough adjustment and in truth, I didn’t really adjust, at least not at the time. It’s taken a lot of reflection to understand myself and what I can truly offer. Looking back, TV wasn’t for me, at least not the show we were on haha. It felt toxic, competitive, disingenuous, you never quite knew if you were coming or going with the people around you.

But here’s the point I’m trying to land. Out of all that, one adjustment I made has steered me right over the years: I realised that most people aren’t really listening.

Just pay attention sometime. Listen to someone on the phone, to conversations in a coffee shop, exchanges in the workplace, even dialogue between friends. Often it’s not a conversation at all, it’s just two people waiting for their turn to speak, broadcasting rather than listening.

My advice to you, Leo, is to listen. Deeply. People are desensitised to the quiet, subtle, understated beauty of being heard. Conscious listening creates understanding, and understanding creates connection. You’ll be amazed how people can be disarmed just by someone’s quiet presence and attentive ears.

Here’s an acronym I picked up along the way that might help you master the art of listening and in turn, conversation:

R-A-S-A

I know your teachers in pre-school are focussing heavily on listening to instructions. What your teachers and I have noticed is that when you’re one-to-one, you can listen really well. But when there are others around, the group influence makes it harder for you to tune in with the same intent.

Here’s my reflection: being able to listen is a rare but compelling trait. We all have the ability, we all have two ears and one mouth, a deliberate ratio to remind us to listen more than we talk. And yet, the majority just love the sound of their own voice. Don’t let yourself be distracted or swayed at your own expense. Trust your instincts, open your ears, and remember: RASA.

Always,

Daddy

Reader responses: Each week, I’m humbled by the messages that come in from you guys, the readers - the parents, soon-to-be-parents, or simply the people trying to make sense of who they’re becoming.

Here’s a couple that stayed with me from last week:

“Just listening to your latest podcast whilst finishing some work. You mentioned your letters to Leo, which I subscribe to.

These letters are great, as they are so genuine and inciteful and I can imagine Leo reading them when he is older and loving them.

I know you have mentioned writing a children’s book, which I am sure will be successful. However, I also think you would do well at writing a book for fathers (if you haven’t already). There is so much out there for mothers, but there needs to be more for fathers, and helping them to have such a good relationship with their sons or daughters as you do”. 

Kind regards, Nicky

“I’m sure you won’t see this message but I wanted to say that this post resonated more than you can imagine. As a dad of an 18-month year old boy, the joy of them letting you in is only equal to the pain and sadness of them not wanting you, even just for a moment or a phase. You’re right though - the key is to always be there for them, that’s what they’ll remember. Thanks for a special insight and for making me realise it isn’t something only I’m dealing with”.

Thanks mate, Rafi

A few moments from last week - conversations that sparked reflection and frames that tell their own quiet stories.

LEFT: A chat with Louise on He Said, She Said about the art of listening and how understanding starts long before we speak.

RIGHT: A short film capturing small rituals of reflection, resilience and finding light in the quieter parts of the journey.

If this letter resonated with you, I’d love for you to share it with someone who might need it too - or better yet, invite them to subscribe to ‘Letters to Leo"‘.

Here’s your magic link to pass on to the people in your world.

P.S.

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. I hope, in some small way, it helped you pause, reflect and feel a little more connected.